Monday, June 13, 2016

A faint spirit.

Draft. March 2016.

It’s been a rough week. Constant arguments almost every day with him, the frustration that I feel that I’m not growing, the desire to have that intimate relationship with you that isn’t met, the feeling that perhaps, I’m not doing enough – in both my relationship with you and with him.

I’m sorry God, for withdrawing myself away from you because it seemed that whatever I did, it wasn’t enough. I’m sorry that prayer hasn’t been my first and primary option to problems, that I’ve pushed prayer to become my last resort. But I thank you that you’re always always there; for your faithful, unfailing love endures forever. 

I don’t want the results to take precedence over the journey. Let my focus not be on how ‘holy’ I seem to be, or how much I’m growing, but let my focus be on developing a relationship with you everyday. 

I need to know of your unfailing love every morning. I need to hear you voice that out to me. I need to remember first and foremost, your goodness. And to have faith, not that things will be better, but faith in your character that is perfect, good, and unchanging.

Psalm 143

My spirit faints within me;
   my heart within me is appalled.

I remember the days of old,
   I meditate on all that thou hast done;
   I muse on what thy hands have wrought.

I stretch out my hands to thee'
   my soul thirst for thee like a parched land.

Make haste to answer me, Lord!
   My spirit fails!
Hide not thy face from me,
   lest I be like those who go down to the Pit.

Let me hear in the morning of thy steadfast love, 
   for in thee I put my trust.
Teach me the way I should go, 
   for thee I lift up my soul.

Deliver me, Lord, from my enemies!
   I have fled to thee for refuge!

Teach me to do thy will,
  for thou art my God.
Let thy good spirit lead me on a level path.

For thy name's sake, Lord, preserve my life.
   In thy righteousness bring me out of trouble.

And in thy steadfast love cut off my enemies,
   and destroy all my adversaries, for I am thy servant.
Cute Spinning Flower Black