Saturday, December 31, 2016

Throwback Post?

Over the past two years, I’ve written a lot of draft blog posts that I never published. Most of them are quite personal and rough, but not all of them. So, I decided to post some of those drafts instead of writing a new post.





 Heck Shika is lazy

As always.

do not really have the time to write posts nicely; basically, posts written with 'enthusiastic effort' and 'infinite labor'. Usually, I endeavour to write posts and organise them neatly. Now, not anymore as I’ve been exceptionally busy in all areas of my life.

Okay fine. We’re all busy! Every one of us. It’s not a very exclusive club. And here’s another reality check: because we’re all busy, no one really cares about how busy someone else is. One way or another, we all make time for what’s important to us. Hence, now I'm focusing more on what truly matters.

I’ve gone through periods of intense, driven productivity; months where everything fell into place, and my goals almost seemed to accomplish themselves. At the other extreme, there have been times in my life where I was completely overwhelmed, burdened by my different projects and responsibilities; frustrated because so many of them not only challenged me, but didn’t matter to me. There were days when I asked myself how did I end up here? How did I end up working on all these things that aren’t who I am, and that don’t represent where I am going?

Okay enough whining and complaining. There are going to be a lot of flashback stories and memories. Please note that. I posted a draft blog post recently, some humans actually freaked out and asked whether I'm okay or nah. (But hey, thanks for caring. How blessed I am to have friends like y'all!) Friends, readers, stalkers, whoever you are. Please read the header of the post or the end of the post and understand that it is a draft blog post; do not just ignore it. If there's no draft date, then it is not a draft. Know the differences peeps.

I guess, that's just it. I would like to express my sincere gratitude and appreciation to those who actually visit and read my blog posts, especially my loyal readers! Shout out to my good friends: Farah, Sean, Ignatius, Livya, Thiveya and all my HFK buddies! To my blogger friends: cherrypie, bettyrose12, The Global Traveller, Betsy Natalie, Mira, Meg, etc. Also to my anonymous readers. Thank you so much! Without you guys, I would have not gotten a single penny. YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST.

Shika Hanna.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Interim Midday Thoughts

How do you deal with change?

Perhaps I hold on to the past a bit too tightly, though it's not mine to begin with.

It's being happy and sad at the same time.

Is this the "knowing" that they've been on about? Cause if it is, then I think I "know".

This could be my last stop, and there was no fork, no confusion, no fear. It's crystal clear, and it's something I've been longing to see.

It's the best.

Or is it?

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Do you know this feeling?

When you started becoming friends with someone through digital messages online, always talking to them through digital messages online, that you don't know how to actually talk to them when you meet them face to face?


Monday, November 14, 2016

Drugs and Alcohol.

My roommate asked about my views on alcohols and drugs just now.

Well I don't do them both.

I've always had an aversion to alcohol and it seems like no matter what I drink, the alcohol always has a bitter taste. The last time I really drank alcohol was during Chinese New Year. And guess what, I'm actually a pretty good drinker. Okay, I lied. I drank only up to 3 glasses of Kahlua, a glass of Tia Maria and a can of beer that day. With my family, neighbours and mom's friends. Yeah.

I watched Skins recently and they treat drugs very casually. Like it's no big deal. It doesn't show the addictiveness it's said to cause. But I still remember all those seminars we had during primary school. Brought addicts to share their testimony and showed gory pictures.

I believe both aren't good for you. But I think drugs are worse? Drink if you're celebrating! Just don't get wasted and embarrass yourself and lose your virginity or something. And not too often. It ruins your liver.

And don't do drugs.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016


My life is near perfect now. I have a good God, and that's that basically. University is going well, and good stuffs are happening. In many forms.

Yet I'm still here to rant a little.

People should stop talking about stuff they don't know about. Don't stir up gossips, especially when you know it does more harm then good. Just why would anyone do that? Especially those who you once hold dear? Beats me.

People should stop beating around the bush and get straight to the point. Simplicity really is underrated. People need to learn to focus on what matters and move forward from there. Wallowing in the past is useless isn't it? "I told you so" doesn't help anyone, does it?

People should think before they talk. Think before they do stuff. Certain stuff bear certain consequences, and if you're not ready to face the consequences maybe you shouldn't do it at all.

Probably this is a note to self as well. But yeah.

Anyway, again, life is bright. Studies are well, relationships are well, life is pretty much too good to be true now. So instead of letting these little pebbles bother us, why not we focus on the gold that God had given?


Tuesday, September 13, 2016


Funny how life can change in just a moment. A moment, composed of elements of time, is seemingly an oxymoron in itself – for time is eternal; a moment, fleeting.

In a moment, life can be birthed, or handed over to Death. In a moment, love wins, or love fails. In a moment, core memories are made, or they are consciously locked away in the deepest abyss of the heart. In a moment, the heart gives value to something, or someone; or it revokes that privileged position. In a moment, two people can cross over invisible boundaries to become lovers, or they become strangers again.

In a moment, one might be allowed a peek into the soul of another, or vulnerability might be instantly masked. In a moment, first impressions are made; initial character judgements can be broken. In a moment, hope can rise, or it turns into despair. In a moment, beauty emerges from hidden places. In a moment, epiphanies hit; inspirations come and go; paradigms shift.

Moments hit us when we least expect it to. All of a sudden, you realise that that someone is such a beautiful person. That he’s not all you think he was. Or that there’s more than meets the eye. It can be cruel; unforgiving in the way it hits you without a warning. It catches us unaware, unprepared, unready for what’s to come.

But we cope, we adapt. That relationship you finally figured you had to let go; that unrequited love; that hope that didn’t materialise; that job you didn’t get – we find ways to make ourselves feel better, to pretend that everything’s okay. We are masters of illusion, skillful in distracting others from the anxiety and uncertainty that we feel about life, but what we’re really doing is only deluding ourselves of the realities in front of us. We attempt to create our own reality – that we didn’t really want that job anyway, or that she wasn’t worthy of your love. We occupy ourselves with a relentless pursuit of shallow happiness, hoping that if you somehow fool yourself into feeling happy, the emptiness in your soul will disappear.

It isn’t all negative. Moments can be beautiful. Realising that you’ve fallen in love, or understanding that life has so much more to offer; being captivated by the beauty that surrounds; the realisation that you’ll be okay – and we fumble our way into dealing with emotions we never thought or forgot we were capable of.

Moments are beautiful, regardless of how they make us feel. Like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon, it is a subtle process that teaches us to appreciate, to love, to live in the moment, to step boldly into the future, to know that you’re stronger than what you make yourself out to be. Moments are powerful – they craft your person. We wear them like an invisible lens – through it we make sense of our values, the people around us, things that happen to us and around us. Taking them off is a difficult and conscious process, for it requires a deep and painful acknowledgement of our own brokenness.

Sometimes, I wonder, what life would be like without moments. What would happen if we viewed things just as they are. Maybe, it is an invitation to embrace these moments; uninhibited. To not struggle with the future, but to appreciate the here and now.

Moments. They are fleeting, yet eternal because of how strongly it moulds us.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Green Room 2015

At the time of writing this review, it's been just over a month since the shocking and tragic news of gifted Russian-born actor Anton Yelchin's death in a freak car accident. First off, R.I.P Anton Yelchin. Such a tragedy for someone so young and promising to pass. He was incredible in this, I felt he was really coming into his own as an actor. After watching Saulnier's excellent and understated Blue Ruin, the director immediately became one to watch out for. A director that knows how to direct characters with subtle, but with intensity and brutality as well.

It begins with the Ain't Rights, a punk band on their way to a gig that turns out to be a waste of time. After an uncomfortable social media interview, the band - consisting of Pat (Yelchin), Sam (Alia Shawkat), Reece (Peaky Blinders' Joe Cole) and Tiger (Callum Turner) - are thrown a gig at a dingy bar in small-town Oregon. It's the type of place adorned with Confederate flags and fascist graffiti on the walls, and, in true punk style, the band introduce themselves with a rendition of Dead Kennedy's Nazi Punks F**k Off. After the gig, the group find themselves locked in a room holding an unlicensed gun after accidentally witnessing a brutal murder. The situation worsens when club owner and neo-Nazi party leader Darcy (Patrick Stewart) turns up to deal with the situation.

Few films ever get such a visceral reaction out of me, but Green Room managed to do that, and then some, delivering on many fronts as a contender for my favourite film of the year. Since the beginning of the year, A24 has been unstoppable, putting out some of the most unique and incredible genre movies to be released in quite some time.

Green Room is certainly violent and grim. Its sense of dread and brutality is unending and relentless, yet never overstays its welcome or becomes cartoon-ish or fetishistic. It could've very easily gone into Saw, Hostel or Martyrs territory, letting the bloodshed become the most memorable aspect of the experience, but it did something much more. Not only does the brutality feel real, unlike the aforementioned films, the characters feel totally believable and genuine, completely immersed in their roles. I have to say, the characters make the dumbest decision ever; I could have died laughing. Also every time they try to run a minute later they run back into the same room and hide. Dafuq lol? Okay so, the protagonists are naive and brash, yet fresh and relatable delinquents. The antagonists are subdued, quiet and strategic, yet animistic and complex. From a character standpoint, it is such a welcome and ultimately more human change of pace.

For a movie so steeped in violence, it's a very humanistic movie, filled with rich and complex characters that feel like they're apart of something completely real and also very intimate and small-scale. The story is not a black and white 'good vs evil' kind of thing, all characters have their own shortcomings and sympathetic sides, making for an incredibly dynamic cast. It's a debilitating film, yet done with the same amount of care and understatement as Blue Ruin. Very good, thus recommended.

Trailer with less spoilers ngee~

Friday, July 29, 2016

How friendship works.

As I texted one of my dearest girlfriends last weekend, we were struck by “how this is how women should be encouraging everyone around us.”

She returned the encouragement after reading a previous blog entry that I wrote, telling me that it IS hard being a “good” Christian in a world that is much less than perfect. She reminded me to hang on to one simple truth:

“We need God, only, period.”

Thank you Livya, for being such an amazing friend; for being generous with your words. Let’s revolutionise female friendships.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Everything will be alright.

Because I know you are in control, God.

I am going through a very tough season now. It feels like everything is unravelling, falling apart piece by piece. God, I surrender my hurts to you. I’m building up walls against him now as a defence mechanism, but I don’t think that’s the way to go. I’m so lost, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what’s right, or what’s wrong. Guide me God. Teach me your ways. Help me look beyond my hurts, to look to you for your unfailing love and grace that I will also need to give to him. Help me not to hate even when I’m hurting so deeply. Teach me what grace really means. Create in me a heart that’s willing to forgive. May your will be done, not mine. May my actions be in line with your will, even if it’s something difficult to do. It may not be today, it may not be this week, but I am certain that you will.

Even through this tough time, something good always comes out of it. You have taught me to lean so much more on you, given me revelations, to learn what it means to truly trust you. You draw me close to you, teaching me to find comfort in your words. In the stillness, my spirit quietly trusts in you. I am assured. God, thank you also for the prayer warriors you’ve placed around me. I am grateful and thankful that they rally around me with prayer. Bless these amazing friends, and their relationships hehe.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Second To None

         I remember watching her walk back up the stairs. I couldn't stop smiling, because your mother was particularly beautiful that night. Her hair was pulled back. She was wearing a white cotton dress that curved around her hips. Her skin glowed. There was so much life in her eyes. When she smiled at me, I felt like an explosion had gone off inside my heart. I could not possibly love her more than I loved her in that moment: my wife, my friend, the woman who had given me such kind, thoughtful, beautiful children.
         She sat across from me at the able. I took both her hands in mine.
         "Why are you smiling?" she asked.
I kissed the inside of her wrists and answered what I felt at that moment was the absolute truth.
         "Because everything is perfect." 

Karin Slaughter.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

First Year in Universiti Malaysia Pahang, UMP.

It's been a while since I updated about UMP. A real long while. I guess I kept telling myself that I needed time to "reflect over how the semester concluded" before I could get to updating, but the fact of the matter is, I'm just a lazy bitch. Oh well. Today marks my first week of break. How time flies! One year habis gitu ja wei. By the way, let me introduce myself HAHA.

Second Year Student.
Bachelor of Engineering (Honours) Chemical Engineering
Faculty of Chemical and Natural Resources Engineering
Gambang Campus, Pahang.

So far, I think the social side of University has been a massive part of it. I've met so many amazing people (and some brainless as well) and done so many amazing things. I really am looking forward to spend another three years at University of Malaysia, Pahang. 

Female blocks. 15 blocks in total, 

Monday, June 13, 2016

Mental Refreshment

I was complaining about my sad life to Rav two days ago.
And then he sent me this.

PS: I accidentally smashed my head on the table while watching this video.

A faint spirit.

Draft. March 2016.

It’s been a rough week. Constant arguments almost every day with him, the frustration that I feel that I’m not growing, the desire to have that intimate relationship with you that isn’t met, the feeling that perhaps, I’m not doing enough – in both my relationship with you and with him.

I’m sorry God, for withdrawing myself away from you because it seemed that whatever I did, it wasn’t enough. I’m sorry that prayer hasn’t been my first and primary option to problems, that I’ve pushed prayer to become my last resort. But I thank you that you’re always always there; for your faithful, unfailing love endures forever. 

I don’t want the results to take precedence over the journey. Let my focus not be on how ‘holy’ I seem to be, or how much I’m growing, but let my focus be on developing a relationship with you everyday. 

I need to know of your unfailing love every morning. I need to hear you voice that out to me. I need to remember first and foremost, your goodness. And to have faith, not that things will be better, but faith in your character that is perfect, good, and unchanging.

Psalm 143

My spirit faints within me;
   my heart within me is appalled.

I remember the days of old,
   I meditate on all that thou hast done;
   I muse on what thy hands have wrought.

I stretch out my hands to thee'
   my soul thirst for thee like a parched land.

Make haste to answer me, Lord!
   My spirit fails!
Hide not thy face from me,
   lest I be like those who go down to the Pit.

Let me hear in the morning of thy steadfast love, 
   for in thee I put my trust.
Teach me the way I should go, 
   for thee I lift up my soul.

Deliver me, Lord, from my enemies!
   I have fled to thee for refuge!

Teach me to do thy will,
  for thou art my God.
Let thy good spirit lead me on a level path.

For thy name's sake, Lord, preserve my life.
   In thy righteousness bring me out of trouble.

And in thy steadfast love cut off my enemies,
   and destroy all my adversaries, for I am thy servant.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Happy Mother's Day !

While appreciation for any parent should be every day of the year, I still love to extra appreciate mom on this special day. My love and respect for my mom and anyone out there who has ever raised a child grow more and more every day. Happy Mother's Day to my very own amazing mom and to all of you mamas out there! For all those whose mothers are in heaven with you God, help them to take joy knowing she is in a place of peace.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016


It's saddening how gossip works. It is one thing to be back-stabbed by a hypocrite person who acts all fine and accepting with you, and then turn around and exaggerates your flaws to other people. It's another thing to have a hypocrite friend who pretends to like you, and then CONJURES stories to other people.

The former, is very common. I see lots of people like that. I won't say that I'm not a hypocrite. I do act nice around people I do not like, only to avoid unnecessary trouble. Most of the time, I guess I just keep them at arms length and still be polite as long as I'm not provoked. What's the point of creating drama when the other party has done nothing to directly hurt you right?

I'm not all angel. I do get irritated at friends and voice it out to other friends. But very seldom and it only happens when I'm triggered and angry. I do join in gossip sessions and put in a pinch of my opinions, like any other normal person do. BUT, I only say the truth. If I strongly feel that someone is bitching fake things about a particular person, I'd speak up for this person. But usually I only gossip with closer friends. I don't trust that other people would keep the 'discussion' in the circle. I pride myself to always keep secrets for other people. I mean, what's the point of leaking out secrets? She will eventually find out if you are the only one she spoke to, right? That being said, I seldom tell my own secrets to other people.

If you ever suspect that I back-stabbed you, do confront and ask me. If I did talk bad about you, I'd say yes I did. I'd rather you clear things up with me than continue to think that I did when I actually did not.

This kind of gossip is still fine. Wait till you read the next part.

The other kind of backstabbers. The kind that spin tales out of air. Woah, power sia. You can be super nice, sincere and flawless but this person can just anyhow create a story and spread it. Then boom, your image is down the drain - FOR NOTHING. You cannot control nor protect yourself from this kind of people and it's best for you to stay insignificant in this person's eyes. Isn't it terrifying? There are lots of people in this world that I'd rather not have been acquainted with; But how would you know until you already know the person?

Also, this is the reason why I try not to get myself influenced by gossips told to me by other people. I always think it'll be more fair if I get to know the person myself and judge base on my own experience. If you are prejudiced against someone, no matter how nice she is, you'll think negatively of her. Remember this. Be fair to everyone you meet. Start from zero and plus minus from there.

Friday, March 4, 2016


Sorry people.
I was really busy and sick (again!) for the past few days. 
I didn't really have the mood and strength to think or blog properly.
Will be back to usual self soon! 
Wait for me okayyy!

* It's a great torture to be sick and busy at the same time. 
I can't even rest in bed properly jeez.*

When I jumped off the building.

10th floor: I saw the well-known loving couple hitting each other.

9th floor: I saw Sean worrying about his sick daughter.

8th floor: Ah mei just found out that her fiancĂ©e is sleeping with her best friend.

7th floor: Dan is taking her daily anti-depression medicine.

6th floor: Jobless Heng still buys 7 newspapers everyday to search for a job everyday. 

5th floor: The much-respected Mr.Wong is trying his wife's undergarment.

4th floor: Rose is fighting with her boyfriend again.

 3rd floor: Old man is still hoping everyday that someone would come by and pay him a visit.

2nd floor: I saw Lily staring at the picture of her lost husband since half a year ago.

1st floor:


The people that I saw just now are looking at me now.

 I think after they see me now, they might feel that their problems are not that bad after all.

I found this on someone's blog.  Meaningful ay?

Remember that there will always be someone who has worse problems than you.
Cheer up everyone who has been feeling down this few days.
Days will get better if you stay positive :)

By the way,
People living in this block are all having problems.
Fengshui not good kot.
They should move house LOL.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Happy Ash Wednesday!

To me, Lent offers an opportunity for detachment. It's an opportunity to start letting go of the things in our lives that get in the way of God. Giving up meat on Fridays, and fasting on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday is one way of doing that. Giving up the sweets and sugars throughout Lent is another way. This year however, I've decided to do something different in addition to the customary things. I'm going to start giving stuff away. Yes, that's right. I've got a house full of clutter, things that are useful, but I never use. Yes, I have too much. I'm going to start by donating many of my books. Next comes clothing. Am I sombre about it? No way! I'm glad I can finally rid myself of these things I don't need, and others might find useful. Isn't that what Lent is about? Letting go? Trusting God? What could possibly be sombre about this? I'm actually enjoying it! Friends and I have spent our lunch conversations at church deciding on a "top ten" list of great things about Lent:

10. Purple is a much more elegant liturgical colour than green.
9.You can save money on all the food you won't be eating.
8. All the good fish recipes come out of the woodwork.
7. A convenient excuse to watch The Passion of the Christ haha.
6. Catholic camaraderie.
5. You don't need to hide or make excuses around your penance and sacrifices.
4. Priests are generally more enthusiastic to hear confessions.
3. More opportunities for organized communal prayer.
2. Cool antiphons.
1. The chance to become closer to Jesus Christ!

By the way, these are some answers to questions about the day that marks the start of Lent, the penitential period before Easter. (by Rick Hamlin)

1)  Why Wednesday?
Think 40. Lent is the penitential period before Easter, commemorating the 40 days Jesus wandered in the wilderness after he was baptised and before he began his ministry. Because he fasted and prayed in this period, people often refrain from eating certain foods or take on a spiritual challenge. So count back 40 from Easter–skipping Sundays because Sunday is a feast day–and you’ll land on Ash Wednesday.

2)  Why ashes?
In the Old Testament, ashes were used as an expression of grief and repentance. The prophet Jeremiah urged Israel, “gird on sackcloth, and roll in ashes; make mourning as for an only son…” Daniel turned to God, “pleading in earnest prayer, with fasting, sackcloth and ashes.” In the typical Ash Wednesday service, the words from God to Adam and Eve when they are kicked out of the garden of Eden are usually repeated, “…you are dust and to dust you shall return” (Genesis 3:19).

3)  Where do the ashes come from?
In most traditions the palm branches from the previous Palm Sunday are saved and then burned many months later. Some churches add oil to the mix so they will stick better. But the symbolism of recalling Christ’s last triumphant entrance into the Jerusalem and the events of Holy Week makes these bits of ash more than something you’d garner from a random fire. They are the ashes of our hopes and fears.

4)  Why the sign of the cross?
To be marked by the cross is a powerful thing, a reminder of Christ’s crucifixion, His sacrificial death. To wear the cross on your forehead is a way of saying, “Hey, this is Who I belong to and Whom I pray to.” On Ash Wednesday we remember how God became human so that we humans could become more like God.

5)  Why mark the day?
Like I say, it always takes me by surprise. I’ll see someone with a smudge on their forehead on Ash Wednesday, and my first instinct is to want to say, “Can I offer you a Kleenex?” Then I see more smudges and realize they’re cross-shaped and remember what day it is. I don’t think God is taking roll up in heaven to see who does and who doesn't celebrate Ash Wednesday. But spiritual days on calendars are meant to help us, to make us consider our faith. They put God on the agenda.

Listen to the age-old biblical words: “You are dust and to dust you shall return.” Feel the mark of the cross.  Know that you are God’s and God is in you. And then begin your own Lenten journey of prayer through the wilderness of this world, leading to the glorious message of new life.

Happy Ash Wednesday!

Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Book of Life 2014

Ok, my friends might think I'm weird if they see this. READ MY REVIEW AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND GUYS. 

The Book of Life is beautifully animated, lovingly hilarious and super super adorable! Aside from being artistically enchanting, it is also everlasting as it filled with plenty of invaluable life lessons. Honestly, it isn't easy to use just one word to describe this movie but if I have to, it would be EXTRAORDINARY. It's perfect for kids but even better for adults. There is a lot of depth and efforts put into this movie. Each of the characters are distinctive in their own and the story is certainly captivating. From the Mexican cultural values and background elements to its stunning visuals and entertaining adventure; it's evident that this wouldn't be possible without the hard work, skills and wits of the creators of this movie. Honestly, I am truly impressed with this film and this would be the my first animated movie review so far lol. I may seem biased but I am not alright. This film really deserve full star rating.

Reasons to love this movie.

1) The Book of Life has beautiful art or in their own words, unique visual style! I love how everything's so pretty, vivid and colourful. By everything, I really meant everything; all the characters designs, world designs and whatnot. The real world, the land of remembered and the land of forgotten are vastly different realms but they are all still equally and really beautiful. Bare in mind that this is the animation studio's second feature film and it's already this beautiful, so how not to admire them? Sigh, if only death and afterlife is as amazing and beautiful like the film. *sobs*

2) Great, LIKE FREAKING GREAT music and lyrics. Okay, I understand everyone has different tastes in music and I am certainly not an expert in music but the songs here in the movie are performed with nothing but full of genuine feelings. Some of the songs are funny, some are touching or heartbreaking and some are just romantic (Yes, I said it. Romantic but this is totally different guys...PLEASE DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME HAHA) and adorable but how can these be not great when all those songs matches the mood of the scenes and enhances the impact of the storytelling?

3) Full of invaluable life lessons that deals with love, life, death and dreams. I guess ultimately the main message of this animated feature is be yourself; do and fight for what what you love and what you hold. Don't ever change yourself because of others' expectation. And, our loved ones will always be with us if we always remember and truly love them.

4) Last but not least, you'll certainly have fun watching this endearing film. Although which two characters will get together in the end is kind of predictable, the unusual adventure overall isn't predictable at all. 

So yeah, as The Book of Life (2014) is truly unlike anything I have seen before, it easily becomes one of my all time favourite animated feature! You know, I have been watching animated movies lately, and this is by far the best animated film. By the way, I have inserted a video as you can see, it's one of my favourite song in this movie. I left some other songs from the movies also. Click the play button to listen (The songs won't play if you don't have Spotify.). 

I do not own anything used in this video.


Cute Spinning Flower Black