Sunday, October 25, 2015

Being obscure.

I've been thinking back about the things that have happened for the past 2 years.

I used to be really personal and open on my blog. But I realise that I have not been completely honest about my relationships here. I don't know. Perhaps because I know the consequences. Because I know my relatives and friends are monitoring this blog. I don't really care about what you strangers think about the choices I've made, but I do feel affected when people I know disagree with my choice of route. I think I have some sort of responsibility to hold here. That's why most of the time when I want to share a bit of my feelings on my blog, I'd try as much as I can to say it cryptically. Might as well don't say anything at all. But to me, it's an avenue for me to release my pent up feelings. I don't like burdening my friends with my issues, so usually I'd hesitate before sharing. There's really very limited people in my life who really knows much about what is happening. I think even this group of people don't know the full story because I only share bits and parts to each person. They'd have to join up together to piece the full story haha but they are from different clique, so I guess it won't happen.

Perhaps I'd share about it if the relationship ever has a definite end one day. 

Sunday, October 18, 2015

UMP - University of Malaysia, Pahang.

UPU result was finally out and all of the Matriculation's, ASASI's and Diploma's leavers were squirming in their seat, feeling nervous to know their destined result. I could not even sleep the day before the result was out. Not to mention, I had to take medicine as runny nose started to kick in. It doubled up my nausea. 

So, I was working when the results were out. Phone kept on vibrating, getting non-stop text messages. I couldn't check UPU because my data connection decided to a bitch that day. Boyfie suggested me to check via text message. I used my mom's phone, typed all the information and clicked send. Waited for 15 minutes, no reply. Then, my boss suruh pulak handle machine besar gedabak tu. Gave phone to mom. Every time I looked back, my mom kept on checking her phone to see if there's any reply.

And gosh, after almost 2 hours, finally a reply. 

Mom : Shikaaaaaaaaaaa! *Sad plus shocked face*
Me    : *Turned back while handling the machine like a boss haha* Shika dapat apa mami...
Mom : Perlis, kos kejuruteraan perisian.... (It was my last choice I think)
Me    : *Trying to be calm*
Mom : *Ran to me and hugged me* Congrats sayang.
Me    : Apa congrats, Shika tidak mau kos komputer, dah la PERLIS :(
Mom : *Showed her phone*

  ' Tahniah. Universiti Malaysia Pahang, Ijazah Sarjana Muda Kejuruteraan Kimia '

(Well actually they sent me the course code, I had to search the code to double confirm the course cos I applied two courses there.)

I screamed, she screamed. The other workers were looking at us haha. I hugged her, nak nangis wei. 

Me    : Mami ni, nasib baik Shika tak sakit jantung.

I got the course I wanted.
I was thrilled to have received the offer. 
It could not get any better than this. 

So now, I'm currently in UMP, in my very cosy room, writing this post. 

Geez. More years away from family.
More walks to my faculty. 
More years of being annoyed by university mates. 
More.. torment.

I will post about UMP soon since there's so little details that can be found in the internet. Like no one blogs about UMP. Okay, obviously there are some people who wrote about UMP, but there's nothing about the systems, etc. 

No promises though. I've been extremely busy since the first day I registered. 
Lazy? Yes, I am a lazy blogger. 


Saturday, October 10, 2015


I've so much feelings that I want to share with you all.

But writing my thoughts here would be too cruel to those involved. I'm someone who needs a lot of reason to justify any decision I make. Sometimes I make wrong choices and end up suffering down the road. Like now. Some mistakes cannot be undone, so I cannot afford to make reckless steps. What makes everything so much difficult to decipher is that what I want does not tally with reality. Everything is just hovering midway in the air. Nothing is obvious enough.

I really wish the answer would be more definite.
Cute Spinning Flower Black