Sunday, June 18, 2017

Second Year in University of Malaysia, Pahang, UMP.

Now that I’m no longer a second-year engineering student, I have to think about my third year and my new crazy exotic adventure. My second year as an engineering student has not been easy. I thought my first year was hard but looking back at it, it wasn’t. The second year has been my most challenging year not only mentally, emotionally but most importantly psychologically. This year I had to build up my self-esteem; I had to work hard to really believe in myself that I could finish my never-ending projects, that I could get the highest marks possible. Plus, I had to plan my schedule every single day so that I could join or conduct events. You see, students who wish to continue staying at residential colleges must participate in activities conducted at the college, faculty or university to ensure that they have collected sufficient merit points to be offered a place the following semester, as vacancies are limited. Hence, I was called the 'merit hunter'. A good one tho *grins*.

Anyway, I finished exams 3 days ago! It has been a very long two weeks. I would talk about how my exams went, but I never really know if they went well or not! There were a few surprises- Chemical Reaction Engineering was probably my best one (despite that I found the course hideously confusing at the time and didn’t even understand half of lectures) and Chemical Engineering Thermodynamics was so bad (I thought I  could do it as I did well for tests. I guessed wrong.). That may not sound like a surprise. Whatever. I’m completely over that now of course! Exams done. Overall, second year has been an absolute blast, I had the best time ever! I made amazing friends, met some amazingly inspiring people and grew as a person. I surprised myself with the things that I was capable of doing. Now, all I have to do is plan my holidays and work on my so called 'project' (I'll post about it soon!). 

Here, I present to you, my second year photo blog and some snapchat videos. *insert smiley emoji*

Some run event, forgot the name of the event. Joined too many marathons this year LOL.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Writing blogs.

 It is a challenge.  Who am I writing for?  Sometimes it is for myself.  It helps me solidify my ideas, think them through. I haven't solidified my ideas here recently. Maybe it's because they have become less of a priority and are still in flux. I can't show you how many unpublished posts I have.  I do not think it's important that others know what changes have occurred. 

Sometimes I think I am writing for other people.  This one is a challenge because I don't know who reads these ramblings of mine.  But I try it anyway, or I don't.  I let it slide.  Is it an exercise in futility? Who knows.

I received an email a few weeks ago asking me to return to writing my anonymous posts for their website.  I finally wrote another brief article for them. I write anonymously there because the topic is painful and close to me and those I love and know.  Others have found them helpful, so I write.

Does this sound like a diary entry?  Maybe it is.  Maybe that is all I have today.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Highlight to read.

I never knew love could hurt so much. Every breath hurts. I wish I could pretend it doesn't hurt.

Every night I cry myself to sleep. The mornings are the hardest when I have to wake up for reality. 

How can I forget him?
How can I forget his kiss? His warm embrace?
How can I forget how close we used to be?
How can I forget his laugh? His sense of humour?
How can I forget he said he would never leave me? That we were meant for each other?

I will never forget the days we once had.

Ps: I disabled the text selection highlighting. 
凸( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)   

Draft: February 2016

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Take note.

I have my own reasons for doing/saying things. 
Don't judge my choices when you don't even know the reasons. 

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Frail soul.

Over the past year, with the help of many people here, I thought I grew stronger from the emotional hell I put myself in.

I did some sharing and cried my heart out, got some kick ass advice, and I thought it managed to build me into a stronger person for myself.

I thought that I was able to get through the fact that I lost someone that I loved dearly, that I was able to get past the heartache.

And after getting kicked in the ass a few times by certain individuals. I thought I'd managed to rebuild my self esteem and live like I was supposed to live.

But this morning I realise I was wrong, completely dead wrong.

I'm still as weak and helpless as I was a year and a half ago.


Draft: January 2016
Cute Spinning Flower Black